The sun coming up over the farm last month.
Hello Friends.....welp it's been significantly longer than a week since I last posted. Sorry! I still have no Internet connection at home. I set up text posting today, so I have no more excuses. I'm sitting in Starbucks posting this as I needed to escape my office. It's just seems decadent to leave work and come here.
So here's where I attempt an explanation about why my posting has been at best erratic and at worse non-existent since November.
Short version:
Left my husband in November.
Moved into a converted outbuilding at the farm.
Took over more responsibilities at work.
Dealt with a foreclosure on my former house.
After 6 months of separation Hubby decided to get sober.
Long version, well part of it....I want to talk about the situation with my marriage. First, I didn't mention this in November because of my husbands privacy. I'm still a little unsure on whether I should be posting this. But it's my experience too. And as he is sober now, I guess that any ramifications from work and what not will be non-existent.
I love my husband. We've been married since 1997. And I've been dealing with the fall out from his drinking since about two weeks after we were married. Making the decision to leave was really tough....obviously it took over 11 years. But being a God fearing woman. I decided to truly leave it in God's hands. I asked him to leave. He said 'No' that it was his house. So I left. Leaving your husband, a house you love, one of your dogs. Is tough. Especially when you know that you don't have the income capabilities to finance two households.
But I loved my husband and just wanted him sober and well. They say in Al-Anon that the alcoholic has to hit rock bottom, whatever that is for the individual. I had hoped that me leaving would be that for him. It wasn't. But he did hit rock bottom and cleaned up. He is sober now. I'm so thankful for that.
I'm thankful for the roof over our head. I'll post pictures of the 'sugar shack' as hubby calls it, later in the week. I do miss my house. The physical structure not so much. But the glorious big trees and my Hostas, and the cool breeze that blew all summer. I knew in November that if Hubby couldn't quit drinking quickly that there was no way that we would come out of this still owning the house. Knowing that I still made the choice to leave. Again....having a healthy, happy, cognitive husband is so much better than having the drunk version of himself and a house.
Okay...sorry for not fessing up sooner. But somethings you just can't share when they may hurt someone else. More on this later.
For tonight.....The POLO season is finally starting. So I'm off to put together my hamper for tonight's tailgating. Then off to Darlington for Polo under the lights. First chukka starts at 8pm. Have a great weekend everyone!


11 comments:
I am so very very sorry - for all of your loses. It is so hard to watch someone you truly love, hurting themselves...through alcohol or drug abuse. I know first hand. I have a son sitting in a jail cell. He chose drugs and alcohol over proper medication (he is bi-polar) and counseling. He has destroyed his marriage, and can no longer support his beautiful children. I would give anything to be able to "cure" him - just like you gave up your home and financial security.
Please know, that you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need to "talk", email me - okay?
libneas[at]aol[dot]com
Tami, It sounds like you have run a gauntlet of emotions. I am sorry he had to hit rock bottom, it must have been heart wrenching for you. I hope you will continue to go to Al-Anon, it is important for you to connect with people in a similar situation with similar concerns..you can identify with them and they with you. You need that. I can offer no other words of wisdom, only support for you. AND some prayers! :)
Oh Tami... first, hugs out to you... I read your story and thought it must have been so devastating to walk away from a life that you had built for years with a man that you love so much. I can only imagine the pain. I am really proud of you, if that helps at all. You indeed were trying to help save both of your lives the day you left and it did help...
I hope he continues to be the happy and healthy husband you speak off, you both deserve that in life. Take one day at a time... baby steps, all will be fine.
Hugs♥
I hope things work out. Quiting an addiction is very difficult and it is even worse on the spouse. Maybe he hit his rock bottom and will go on from there. My husband had a smoking addiction and he had quit about seven times. It has affected his health but not like some of the other substance abuse that are out there. Hope it works out for you.
Neas...thank you for sharing that, really....thanks.
Far Side...Your prayers are very welcome.
Michele...thank you. You are an inspiration.
Thanks Claudia.
Really everyone your kindness here is so heartening. Know that you are all considered friends.
You are very strong for leaving him and making your life a better place. Sometimes it is only that person with the addiction that can help themself, and not everyone around them. You did what is right. You couldn't help him, even though you tried. You sound upbeat in your post and that is a good sign. I also feel better to read that you are doing okay!
Hugs to you. Things will be better. Hope your little Charlotte and Clarice are doing fine!
Tami - you are such a strong woman!I know this must've all been so hard for you. I am glad your husband is now sober and I hope happier days are ahead for you - you deserve it!!!
P.S. I have a brother that has not hit his rock bottom yet - but our family prays that day will come soon.
You are a strong woman. My prayers are with you and your family.
So glad to have you back! I have been worried about you. Sounds like you have had a tough go at it. Sending you my prayers for you and your family :)
Just wanted to thank the rest of you for your very kind words. THANK YOU!!!!!
Far Side....I did find the literature from Al-Anon a huge HUGE help.
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